England: The Prodigal Son

If there's an equivalent to being a Chicago Cubs fan in the world of international football, then it's likely to be supporters of the English national team or the Spanish one.

At least Spain made it to the dance this time, with one game to spare whereas the three lions in their profligent manner flunked their exams and have to go back for an extra year of high school. English fans would the mother who has already cleaned out her basement and done the math on how many decades it'll be until he moves out it ever. I didn't have to use a strained metaphor, but I'm kind of an authority on prodigals and not just according to my parents.

The truth is the majority of fans view the team as underachieving, listless, and inane, and that's not just this past Euro qualification but probably the last time the team won the World Cup in 1966 with Sir Bobby Charlton. Maybe expectations are a bit high; the English media has a penchant for overreacting.

As a loyal parent of a the handicap-able child that is the English national team, I think the best thing is to lower expectations a bit. The aim should be reminiscent of Portugal through the last few big competitions; they haven't won it all but they've been a threat and always played like they were a threat.

Obviously, England does not have the big guns like Brazil or Argentina - most glaringly in the front six. Those two teams have three to four viable options for each spot with some overlap but also a good complement of skills. England can barely fill up the front six positions with players of pedigree. Strikers are Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen; a strong lad who plays a little deep and an experienced poacher - it's not bad if not for the empty cupboard: Peter Crouch is the next best option. Michael Owen is bordering on being washed up unfortunately, and Rooney needs a partner who can take some pressure off him.

Midfield is an area where England has exactly four guys. They get about the same performance from Lennon or Cole or Pennant or Wright-Phillips so the flanks don't really provide any spark. They lack real creativity as evidenced by the majority of attacks ending with overhit crosses into the area where they have one teammate and five defenders. Beckham is actually quite useful considering the number of goals that are derived from dead ball situations and even more so in Team England; it wouldn't even matter if he stood around the rest of the game, which is probably semi-accurate. A goal in soccer is too precious. Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard are good players individually but obviously can't gel and also not the creative type to unlock and defence - they're more play it quick and hope something happens, and if not, hit a forty yard screamer and try to get lucky. There's a reason why the team stinks in possession stats against good teams and can't do anything with their possession advantage against bad ones.

The team does have pretty good selections at the back. No depth, but when healthy they're at least an A- in three positions, projecting a little bit on the potential of Micah.

The goalkeeping situation is seemingly atrocious but I believe good teams make good goalkeepers, at least partially. It's a confidence issue. Experience and technique are important, but there's nothing like a two-goal lead to work with when the opposition threads a perfect through-ball and creates a one-on-one; in that case it's much easier to come out aggressive as compared to being down a goal in a big game.